Thursday, December 10, 2009

All I've learned about gay sex and never had to ask

Because they'll just tell you. Like, outright. Or there are sites that goes into such technical detail it would turn a porn star dry. At this point, I feel I know more about the subject than people who have ACTUALLY had gay sex.

Why am I doing this? Gay erotica. BAD gay erotica. The internet is like one big porn library and typically I highly enjoy this fact... unless it's horrible gay pr0nness. I read it and and it SUCKS because I'm wincing and sex scenes should never make a person cringe unless that is the intention and 99% of the time it's obvious they were trying to make it sexy. So here are some goddamn rules, bitches.

1. Water is not a lubrication. I don't care how slippery it makes things, it is not an oil, and it actually dries the skin. This works for girls, too, because it actually takes away natural lubrication. It hurts, doesn't help. For that reason, I would use silicon-based lubrication (doesn't wash off easily) for shower scenes.

2. Your ass is not raring to go at all time. It needs to be stretched; a gay has told me that two fingers are usually enough unless the top is kinda big. The muscles in that area tighten up pretty quickly, too, which is why anal sex advocates aren't anally leaking everywhere. There are even kits you can buy to help with stretching. Someone's who's experienced can relax better but even they usually need a little preparation. Without it, there might be anal tearing (no fun) or even just small tears in the membrane (still no fun). Also, use lube. Lots of it. An anus is not a self-lubricating hole, like a vagina. It needs help. Precum ain't gonna cut it.

3. PROTECTION. I've actually gotten critiqued about using condoms in fiction. It's because I'm responsible... especially if the other person is an Unknown. My character doesn't know if they're clean or a walking back of AIDS so guess what? Rubber goes on! (Also: good for cleanup!)

4. Thought you were 'filled' by someone not wearing protection? I dunno if you've seen a guy come, but it's not like buckets. You might psychologically think you were 'getting filled' by someone, or you felt a splash, but more than likely you didn't feel anything. It's not that sensitive inside of you, which is good, if you think about what usually goes through there.

5. There is a prostate. It is about the size of a walnut and usually just as the tip of your finger if you went poking in there. It is sensitive. Some people have a 'trigger' prostate where they orgasm insanely fast if it is stimulated. It is located towards the front of the guy. It is not an inch up the ass. It is not a magic love button that makes everything better. It is a mass of sensitized tissue that secretes the fluids that comprise a lot of seminal ejaculation. Sorry girls, nothing there for you. But the anus itself is full of nerves and some women find that alone to be quite pleasurable. 'sides, orgasm is mostly mental anyway.

6. There are a shitton of gay stereotypes but let me tell you, they are wrong. You see the effeminate, long-haired waif with the stocky hulk and you should have NO IDEA who tops just by looking at the couple. Just putting that out there.

Now if you want to write the gays, that is all the information you need.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

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