So much familial love it's just short of creepy

(The night before Thanksgiving)

Me: Can I help?

Mom: Make the pies.

Me: ...usually you tell me no.

Mom: It's instant pie crust, at least get that done. (hands me a roll of pie crust)

Me: DONE.

(Forty minutes later.)

Me: ...okay, the crusts I made are gimpy. Are pies still okay gimpy?

Mom: Like anybody cares. Recipes for the fillings are on the counter.

Me: Wait, why would you want me to cook more of the pie? I failed at AUTOMATIC PIE CRUST. All I had to do was unroll the bitch. I can't do round peg, round hole. I thought our eventual goal of these pies was to have people want to eat them.

Mom: RECIPES FOR THE FILLINGS ARE ON THE COUNTER.

Sister: (walks in) Nice gimpy pies, loser.

Me: YOUR MOTHER WAS A WHORE.

Mom: HEY.

Me: YOU HEARD ME.

Sister: I delegate myself to the task of supervising and testing for poison.

Me: I see your delegation and raise the task for me to also take a nap.

Mom: Okay, that's it, get the fuck out of my kitchen.